Trying to get my message out.

First I want thank all the people who expessed thier “honk” support yesterday. Lots of shouts of encouragement and plenty of “thumbs up”. It really boosted my spirit that so many people can see the injustice of the custody law.

A special thanks to all who visited my website, yesterday was the highest visitor rate ever. Please feel free to add comments. They mean a lot to me.

After an hour of having the signs on the pedestrian bridge, a city worker approached me. He informed me that I could not have my signs up without a permit. It was too late to get a permit, so he told me to remove the sign immediately.

I asked him if he had read the signs. He leaned over the bridge and read my signs. “You can stay til five o’clock” he says and leaves.

Yes I am doing something to change things. Never underestimate the power of a small group of commited individuals to affect change. I can;t do it all by myself, it takes a thousand like me really change things. You don’t have to be as vocal as I am, but you do need to raise awareness of the inequaties in the legal system.

I’m no hero, to be honest, the only reason I am in this fight is my son. I won’t give up on him.

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Both parents should start off with 50% access. That is equal and in the best interests of children and encourages compromise and negotiation. Instead the courts adopt the premise that “primary residence” should be supreme.

My first mistake was moving out of the martial home. This leaves my son in a living arrangement the courts are reluctant to change. “Primary residence” is now in the hands of his mother. What does this mean? It means my parental rights are stripped from me, and leaves me as some kind of uncle who visits every other weekend.

“Primary residence” means his mother is told by the court that she is in control, no need for compromise. She now holds an awesome power to do damage at the deepest emotional level to the person who rejected her in marriage.

This power of the custodial parent plays out everyday and every way. If I saw my child on the street and approached him to give him a hug, I could be held in contempt of court because it is not my “scheduled time”. For example, I brought my son home an hour late. If we were still married I could explain traffic was heavy, or we got caught up having fun and forgot the time. Instead, I now face contempt charges. I could go to jail or lose what little access I now have. It is totally at the whim of his mother to punish me to the full extent of this twisted legal system.

Is this fair? Is this equal? Not in a million years.

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Christmas at the Castle!

My son and I went to the Banff Springs Hotel to celebrate Christmas this year. We spent Christmas at an Alberta hotel because the powers that be, told me I could not take my son to Vancouver. This is not what I wanted, but we tried to make the best of the situation, at least we were together. In the end that’s most important, some divorced parents will spend Christmas away from their children. Sad.

After settling in, we went down to a piano lounge, which had the biggest Christmas tree I have ever seen. The adults sat around a large circular area where the children played. The kids played tag and hide and seek, and generally had a wild time. Lots of excitement.

My son made a new friend, whose mother asked me if the two of them could go on an exploration of the hotel with his grandmother. It eventually grew to seven kids roaming around, and having pillow fights. This hotel was built in 1888 and is basically a huge castle. They explored the hotel from top to bottom, it was a boy’s dream, I envied my son on this adventure.

The time we spent together is something I will never forget. I know my son will remember this trip, he had an amazing time.

Back at our room I called my mother in Victoria to wish her a happy Christmas, this is the first time I have not spent Christmas with her. When I asked my son to talk to his grandmother he refused, saying he doesn’t know her. My mum was heartbroken, but I can’t blame my son. He has only met her so few times in the last five years.

My son is growing up knowing only half of his family, his mother’s relatives. He is loved by people he has never met or just briefly met. With the glacial pace of the judicial system it is likely to stay that way.

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November 4 2008 I flew to Calgary at my ex wife’s lawyer, Jane Hoffman’s request for a meeting between the lawyers, my ex wife, and myself. I paid $700 for airline tickets $560 to park and jet. I also paid my lawyer $1800 to represent me. To my surprise the only people that showed up were the two lawyers and myself. This was a total waste of time and money. My ex wife never showed up or called to say she was not coming.

I’m hoping this is not a deliberate ploy to drain my finances, that would be unethical and lowdown. While I am not saying this was a deliberate missed appointment, I am saying this tactic and others like it are employed to cripple a parent financially.

How many people could afford $1260 in expenses and $1800 for the lawyer for something that results in nothing? It doesn’t take long to burn though a substantial amount of money in the court system.

Usually one side just runs out of money. Unfortunately that is normally the father. Fathers have to give up not because they don’t love their children, but because they just have no money left. The pain and frustration leaves a mark on these men, one they don’t deserve.

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