My ex has a drinking problem. She would drink to the point that she would have trouble standing. Her problem was binge drinking when I was at work and she was in care of our 2 boys who are 4 and 6 years old at the time. Over the last couple of years I have asked her not to do this. If she needed a drink at least wait until I was home. This had carried on for a couple of years.
On March 3/12 is I had enough. I came home about 8:15 pm to find my ex intoxicated again to the point where she fell up the stairs in the house. Again this is a short version. The boys have not been fed supper. So I started to cook supper while the ex was hiding in the bedroom.
Out of the blue she came, into the kitchen yelling, swearing and only God knows what about. The boys were in shock and so was I. When she had finished her ranting she went back in the bedroom and closed the door. I decided then to call the police to remove her from the house to hopefully wake her up to see the seriousness of her actions. The police were on their way. I told her they are coming to talk to her because it is clear I cannot talk to her in this state. So after a couple of minutes she ran down the stairs, grabbed her keys, jumped into her vehicle in the garage. Before I could stop her she had smashed into my truck parked directly behind her.
The police arrived about 5 minutes later. The police looked at the damaged vehicles and decided to arrest her for a DUI. (Again this is the short version), Incredibly the DUI charges were dropped because I was still married to her and the only witness. She avoided prosecution even though she failed the breathalyzer and there was ample evidence in the driveway.
I had asked her to get help. She replied “I don’t have a problem and do not need help”. When I heard that I knew now that I have to protect the boys by getting them out and filing for a divorce.
Here is where the legal system has failed me. First, I found out that the courts see fathers as guilty of everything and always lying, so I have to proof everything. In this world you communicate back and forth through affidavits.
The first court appearance only the lawyers are allow to speak, The only matters discussed are the issues of her getting money and a court date for the next meeting. We are both living in the same house at this time as I do not trust her. I have stopped all out of town work. But she is still there for the 8 hours I am at work and I have this constant worry if she is drinking again.
She had tried all the tricks in the book, even going as far as going to the food bank to register herself. Thankfully I was home and noticed the bags. I immediately videotaped the bags, all the food in the fridge, pantry as well as the freezer, I had to clearly show food and hygiene items were not necessary.
The second court date came up in Sept 2012, the judge S.D. Hiller had first came down on my ex’s lawyer for not having all the proper documents in order or in court. The judge started to drill her lawyer about how he can say that she is a good mother. This went on for about 10 minutes or so. Then the judge chatted with my lawyer Peter Spitz but would not give him an inch to respond properly. The judge was then clearly getting pissed off as there was no compromising from the ex on any issue of the children’s custody and matrimonial affairs.
The judge then told the lawyers to step down, go outside and try to get something settled. The only thing the ex would agree to was shared custody.
When we went back into court, and after another couple of hours nothing was really settled. Judge Hiller was turning red with anger, so he decided this matter has to go to trial sometime in the spring. No date was given and no date ever was discussed.
The judge then said his final comments which were I will be responsible to pay all the current bills where I and my ex reside as usual. But I and my ex will alternate staying in the matrimonial home weekly. On the week out I live somewhere else. Then he said I will have to pay child support of $1,382 and spousal support of a $1,000 on top. My lawyer was not able to argue the decision at all; the judge just cut him off.
I am on a salary of $7,000 a month gross pay. About 5,300 take home pay. It isn’t hard to figure out the math on this one.
Credit Card 550.00
Note: This does not include gas clothes for the children and any other expenses.
Now add 60% roughly to get another place to stay, paying rent, utilities etc.
So basically what the judge has done is forced me to give in to the ex’s demands or face bankruptcy within 3 months. I guess that is why he did not set a court date. So I am legally being forced into bankruptcy.
Here is the sweet spot of this trial; after court was over, my lawyer and I stepped out of the court room, my lawyer turned to me and said:
“Well that didn’t go well. That must be because the judge and me had an argument in another case a couple of weeks before and he must be still mad. So I guess you can fire me.”
Can you believe that? After he cashed in $15,000.00+.I want to put a complaint in, but to whom and would anything be done about it?
So in recent action is I signed off the children and their safety to the ex. An ex who has a drinking problem, I also turned over the house that has $40,000 in equity and agreed to all other issues. Yes, I did sign this order under duress, even told my lawyer this. I had cave in to keep out of bankruptcy and to save my license.
I have not seen my sons since Dec 3/12. The summer before I was still trying to let the boys enjoy their lives and keep their minds off the issues in the house. Whenever I tried to take them out the ex would start arguing saying that I can’t take them. I cannot go anywhere with them. She would argue until she was red in the face and the kids started to cry. Needless to say we did nothing last summer or fall with my boys. I did talk to the boys Mar 8/13 on my oldest boy’s birthday.
Like I said this is the short version.
It is pretty sad when the gang wars are now inside our justice system. That would be the Government and lawyers against caring parents / fathers that do care.